After last week’s Ladies Show where Baby Gorilla railed on chicks who wear hats, and the deal breaker it is for him, I felt it was only right to give voice to the thousands of women he may have offended.
As I said on the show, I’m a fan of chicks in hats. I’ve taken the liberty of stealing a few pictures off the internet to highlight some of my favorite examples. Maybe, just maybe, I can change BG’s unreasonable and completely wrong opinion.
Example 1: Classic Alex Mack
1994-1998 was a formidable time period in my adolescence to young adulthood transformation. Not only was I dealing with the awkward high school years I was also developing unhealthy crushes on Nickelodeon stars. Case in point: Alex Mack. Played by Larisa Oleynik, she was cute as a button and could turn herself into a puddle. Hot, right? As I said, it was an awkward few years.
The point is, would she have been as cute if she didn’t pull off the hat look? I say thee nay! Sorry BG, point one goes to the defense.
Example #2: Loophole
Here is Taylor Swift donning a vibrant red winter hat. Now, I have no idea if it’s a fashion statement or it’s actually cold outside but the point remains—what’s a girl to do in the winter? Will BG tell her to hit the bricks as soon she slips her luscious locks into a vibrant knitted cap? Or will he, like every other sane man, realize not only is it adorable, it’s weather acceptable?
With strong logic, point two to the defense, natch. (Aside- I hate people who use the word “natch”)
Example #3: Hunter/Gatherer
I don’t know what it is, but this completely ridiculous head-wear does something for me. Especially since it’s on Vanessa Hudgens.
My theory? It brings out the savage cave-man in me, who would gladly kill anything, eat the inside, and convert the skin and pelt as a hat for my child-rearing cave-woman back at home.
Sorry, BG, one more for the defense. I’ve got you on the ropes, buddy.
Example #4: Aw, crap.
I don’t know what the hell Victoria Beckham is wearing and I really don’t care. I just know she just ruined my whole entire case.
That thing is hideous. If just one women is going to put that on her head without a trace of irony, others might follow. And that’s not worth the risk.
The defense folds. Just leave hats to us, girls.
(For the record, I would wear this awesome hat without a trace of irony.)