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Author Archives: High Brour: Comedy For Your Bean

About High Brour: Comedy For Your Bean

Delicious comedy radio show with all kinds of content.

TJ’s BUTTLOAD OF BLOGGING!

Hey.

It’s me, TJ.

Today’s BLOG is going to be broken down in three parts. I tell you this merely for conversation, I don’t expect you to care. Nor do I think it will affect your enjoyment any. I’m in a bad mood. But not for long, hopefully. I don’t understand people who wander around blissfully in a good mood. Nor do I understand people who constantly complain. Come to think of it, I don’t really understand people. In fact, I don’t even like people all that much. Oh, I try. But then someone will inevitably say something that will really stick in my craw.

Speaking of which…

BLOG PART ONE:Stick/Stuck in my Craw

So today BG was throwing down some sweet rhetoric (have you ever notice people who use the word “rhetoric” are just so freakin’ smug? what is that all about?) and managed to use the phrase “…really stuck in my craw”.

In all the years of knowing him I think it was the first time either of us had used that rad-ass phrase. And, as it turns out, I wasn’t happy he got there first.

In fact, after my brain confirmed with my ears that he used that phrase I quickly went through the classic seven stages: first, I was shocked and/or disbeliefed (that’s a word, right?) that he used it, second, I mentally denied that he used it (maybe he really said “…really trucked my pa” I thought before dismissing it as a really stupid thing to think he said), third, I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself, fourth, I felt guilt for not using the phrase first, fifth, I became really angry that I didn’t use the phrase first, sixth, I was struck by a wave of depression (I was headed for weeks of Lucky Charms, long-johns, and my bed if not for) seventh, I made a quick mental note of all the people that I had harmed, and wanted to make amends with all of them.

Then I realized I had accidentally slipped in a couple steps from the 12 Steps of AA in there on accident. Which then made me realize I never wanted to do a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself ever, ever again. Which then made me realize I was standing around thinking really hard while BG had walked away.

In any event, I was pretty shaken up about the whole thing.

Why am I bringing this up? My reasoning is two-fold:

1) Educate: I did a little research and it looks like the phrase comes from referencing the “craw” which is synomous with the “crop” of an animal or insect. Which I guess is the gullet. Whatever. I’m not that good with research. That’s what Third Party Dave is for when he’s not getting wasted and throwing up on himself. I’ll give you a guess on which one he’s doing tonight…research for me or throwing up. Sadly, those are the only two options for him on a Wednesday night. Anyway, if something was to get stuck in a craw that would be pretty irritating. I would imagine. I don’t think I have a craw. Maybe it just tickles. What if we’ve gotten it all wrong? What if something stuck in a craw actually has a pleasurable affect. Or is it “effect”. Eh, pick whichever one works there.

2) Revenge: If BG wants to use cool expressions then I can do it too.

For your consideration, my top 5 phrases I’m going to use on BG Matt before he can use them on me.

5) Whew, my dogs are barking.

4) She’s all wool and a yard wide!

3) On ’em like a duck on a June Bug.

2) I have to take a jimmy riddle.

1) My personal favorite, “Boo-Yah!”

Suggestions welcome.

BLOG PART 2: Boglins

A couple episodes ago, while BG was struggling to load a picture of a Goblin Woman that a faithful listener had e-mailed us, I parlayed the word “Goblin” into a side bar conversation with Dave about Boglins. Unfortuanatley for me, Matt finally loaded the picture and thus, any and all Boglin-talk was lost into the ether.

Well, it’s a good thing I have access to this BLOG.

For those who don’t remember, BOGLINS were these awesome hand-puppet monsters that were pretty popular in the 80s. If you need a refresher check out the classic commercial HERE. I would embed the video but we don’t have the upgraded account so deal, okay?

Anyway, the neighbor kid across the street from me got a BOGLIN for his birthday and he was so frightened by it, his parents gave it to me. Since I was pretty perceptive from an early age I made the kid and his parents sign a waiver that they couldn’t demand the BOGLIN back in a day or a month or whenever the kid figured out that it wasn’t real.

It’s been a few years but I’m pretty sure the Boglin I had looked like this:

I’m not sure whatever happened to my Boglin but I do know that he began to acquire some heavy damage due to the fact that I would gnaw on his fingers and his tail like it was a pen cap or something. Oral fixation and all that, I guess.

Maybe I finally threw him out. Or maybe the neighbor kid snuck in and took him back. Which would be a violation of the “Boglin Accords of 1989” but it’s the kind of thing I expect out of him: I’m pretty sure he “borrowed” my Tiny Toon Adventures game for NES and just never gave it back. Who does that kind of thing?

The point is…I want a BOGLIN. Preferably without chew marks all over it. So, fair High Brour fans—do me a favor? Hook me up with a Boglin for free-sies. I don’t care how you get it but I want one! Maybe I shouldn’t use my position of power for this kind of thing but hey, I might as well try to get something out of this other then mental abuse by BG every week.

Brour Patch Homework: Procure TJ a Boglin hand puppet from the 80’s in good condition and give it to him as a present. You probably can use it as a tax write-off as a “prop for an internet radio podcast”. That wacky IRS is always coming up with something.

BLOG PART THREE: STEEL CITY CON

This weekend my wife and I will travel to the Steel City Con in Pittsburgh.

Why? Because they have a Golden Corral Buffet joint there and I’m fat.

BUT ALSO because I will finally live out my long-time dream of meeting:

Mr. Freakin’ Belding! Okay, sure, he’s a few pounds heavier and a few years older…

Oh, Jesus.

I mean, um.

Well, he’s happy!

So, hopefully we can strike up a conversation, I can pay him money for him to call me and my wife “Zach and Kelly”, and then we can follow him to whatever party is going on that night. Because if there’s a party, you know Mr. Belding is going to be there. In fact, the party doesn’t start until he gets wherever he’s going.

I’m crossing my fingers it’s a “Golden Corral”.

The other celebrity sighting we’re shooting for is Torrie Wilson.

She’s a former WWE Diva and most well known in my circle for this video HERE.

“No, Torrie, this isn’t a mop closet at all. This is…SHANGRI- LA.”

So, that should net a pretty good story when I ask her to re-enact that skit with myself playing Mr. McMahon and my wife playing Kurt Angle.

We’ll probably be asked to leave.

Before I forget, another reason we’re going to this show is that I want to show my wife that the fabled and once-though-an-urban-myth STEEL MAN is real. If you don’t know about STEEL MAN, STEEL DOG, STEEL MOM, and STEEL HOT CHICK, check out their official WEBSITE. You will be disappointed. No, that wasn’t a typo.

(He does exist!)

And, finally, to wrap this BLOG up…since it is a Toy, Comic, and Childhood Collectible Show the real main reason why we’re going is…

 

 

 

…so I can finally get my DAMN TECHNODRONE!!!

(if you missed that reference please refer to Episode 10: Tape O’ Rama HERE)

Anyway, I’ll be back NEXT weekend with a butt-load of stories (way funnier then a boat load of stories) and maybe some pictures to share. In the meantime, be sure to check out the NEW High Brour Podcast: Episode 16 sometime THIS weekend. BG should have it up in all the usual channels by Saturday night.

Thanks for listening! Feedback on my BLOG entry is welcome at tj@highbrour.com and be sure to leave a comment here or send an e-mail to our Official Show Mailbag at mailbag@highbrour.com!

-TJ

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Episode 15: Muppet Madness!

Hey there, hi there, where’s all the hos there? It’s time for Episode 15: Muppet Madness or, as BG MO puts it, “halfway to quitting!” If you haven’t checked it out, click HERE or head over to Highbrour.com to listen and check out all our other fun features including links to our Twitter page, E-mail addresses, and check out our Brour Patch E-Mail of the Week!

This week the High Brour is excited to boast a HUGE interview! We don’t want to give it away but…

 

 

…I bet you can figure it out!

After that, the High Brour Crew does what it does. I’m tired of explaining everything, just go LISTEN!

Check back later this week for some all-new original Blog content! And as always, E-mail the show at Mailbag@highbrour.com or any of our crew at bgmatt@highbrour.com, tj@highbrour.com, and/or3pdave@highbrour.com!

 

 
 

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Episode 14: Really Little Show

Welcome back, Brour Patch! After a much needed vacation, the High Brour returns to gaze, graze, and amaze! Episode 14: Really Little Show (read as Carson doing Sullivan) is HERE! Before I give you the all-important run down, be sure to check out and bookmark our new OFFICIAL SITE: Highbrour.com! 

Now, why should you listen  to episode 14 you ask? Well, as always, we open up the mailbag…

Is HE the greatest fictional swordsmen?

BG discusses the Whiz Toot…

(For more on this subject non-High Brour related, check out this link I stumbled on.)

Also on the show, TJ recites what can only be categorized as, well, we’re not sure. But we hope you like it.

And BG Matty O and Third Party Dave engage in a Brutal Battle Thunder Round of Impressions! I don’t want to spoil it for you but we think you’ll like our take on this guy…

And, don’t think we didn’t mention Subway’s new Pulled Pork sub.

Because we do. Admit it, you didn’t think we did.

It’s kind of like a paradox. If you aren’t listening to our show then you don’t know what you’re missing. But because you don’t know what you’re missing, you’re not listening to our show. Similarly, if you do know what you’re missing it’s because you listened to our show. But if you listened to our show you wouldn’t be missing anything. Blew. Your. Mind.

While you try and piece together the fragments of your brain, you might as well listen to the show. As always, you can listen to it HERE, get us from iTunes, or stream us from our Facebook page!  And don’t forget to check out our fresh new website: Highbrour.com! It’s the portal to all things High Brour as well as news and features you won’t get anywhere else!

Thanks for listening and don’t forget to e-mail us at Mailbag@highbrour.com. Sweeee-ouuuu Nation!

 

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Highbrour.com is HERE!

Have y’all checked out highbrour.com?! It’s THE PORTAL to all things High Brour! Tell your friends, tell your enemies, bookmark that beeeotch, do what it is you do!

(Gilbert Gottfried commands you!)

Have you checked out Episode 13: Demon Donut yet? Get on that HERE!

 

Episode 13: Demon Donut!

Hello and welcome once again, Brour Patch!

Episode 13: Demon Donut is UP for your amusement HERE!

The other good news is that Highbrour.com is now up! Be sure to bookmark the site, make it your homepage, or check it compulsively! It’s the portal to all things High Brour!

So…why should you listen to Episode 13?

The Brour debuts their new announcer—he makes everything sound at least 35% more professional! Score!

We talk deadly demon donuts…

…and while we don’t talk Karate Kid, BG tells a story where he feels a lot like Daniel-son. Except replace Mr. Miyagi with a candy bar.

TJ’s drops an “Ode to…” poem (I wonder who it’s about?)

And the Brour Patch talks Escalator Etiquette. It’s more amusing then it sounds.

And the High Brour’s most popular segment returns….Jew Jokes for Gentiles!

You know the drill, Brour Patch…check out Highbrour.com, check out the Twitter, download us from Podbean or iTunes, and do what you do when you do what you do!

Don’t forget to e-mail the show at our NEW addresses:
The High Brour Mailbag(mailbag@highbrour.com)
BG Matt(bgmatt@highbrour.com)
TJ(tj@highbrour.com)
3rd Party Dave(3pd@highbrour.com)

 

High Brour 12: Red Kryptonite

Sweeee-ouuu!

The High Brour is back, as you knew it would be! If you missed TJ’s rebuttal blog to BG’s “Chicks with hats is a deal breaker”, you can read it HERE, or just scroll down to the last post.

If you’re here for the main course, Episode 12: Red Kryptonite then head over to our hosting site by clicking HERE!

If you would rather take a gander at what we have ready to offer up this week first, then by all means feast your eyes on THIS….

The Brour Crew crack open the Brour Patch MAILBAG! Faithful listener Ocean City Ted writes in and, among other controversial topics, brings up THIS self-titled agile fat guy:

Deal breaker or deal sealer? You be the judge.

Hosts BG Matt and TJ finally settle some of the more pressing issues that have been causing a wedge between them. For example…

Who’s better?

3P Dave helps sort it all out! Yes, we brought him back, and yes, he’s single, fellows ladies.

As promised, the High Brour talks about an issue most pressing…

MOVIES WITH WANGS IN THEM

 

Is it good theater? Unnecessary? A lower form of comedy then puns? The Brour Crew talk some of your favorites.

And, in a segment that TJ and 3P Dave are still trying to figure out what the hell happened, BG Matt shows off an old blues guitar he got at a pawn shop garage sale…

 

…with frightening consequences. Just tune in!

Ready? Check out Episode 12 HERE!

Of course, you can always find the newest episode up on iTunes if you search for “High Brour” and don’t forget to E-mail us at highbrour@yahoo.com. You’ll be glad you did.

Sweee-ouuu to YOU, Brour Patch! Don’t forget, without you, we ain’t got shit! We’re on Facebook, we’re on Twitter. Check us out and let us know, good or bad, your thoughts on the show!

 

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A rebuttal to BG: Chicks in Hats

After last week’s Ladies Show where Baby Gorilla railed on chicks who wear hats, and the deal breaker it is for him, I felt it was only right to give voice to the thousands of women he may have offended.

As I said on the show, I’m a fan of chicks in hats. I’ve taken the liberty of stealing a few pictures off the internet to highlight some of my favorite examples. Maybe, just maybe, I can change BG’s unreasonable and completely wrong opinion.

Example 1: Classic Alex Mack

1994-1998 was a formidable time period in my adolescence to young adulthood transformation. Not only was I dealing with the awkward high school years I was also developing unhealthy crushes on Nickelodeon stars. Case in point: Alex Mack. Played by Larisa Oleynik, she was cute as a button and could turn herself into a puddle. Hot, right? As I said, it was an awkward few years.

The point is, would she have been as cute if she didn’t pull off the hat look? I say thee nay! Sorry BG, point one goes to the defense.

Example #2: Loophole

Here is Taylor Swift donning a vibrant red winter hat. Now, I have no idea if it’s a fashion statement or it’s actually cold outside but the point remains—what’s a girl to do in the winter? Will BG tell her to hit the bricks as soon she slips her luscious locks into a vibrant knitted cap? Or will he, like every other sane man, realize not only is it adorable, it’s weather acceptable?

With strong logic, point two to the defense, natch. (Aside- I hate people who use the word “natch”)

Example #3: Hunter/Gatherer

I don’t know what it is, but this completely ridiculous head-wear does something for me. Especially since it’s on Vanessa Hudgens.

My theory? It brings out the savage cave-man in me, who would gladly kill anything, eat the inside, and convert the skin and pelt as a hat for my child-rearing cave-woman back at home.

Sorry, BG, one more for the defense. I’ve got you on the ropes, buddy.

Example #4: Aw, crap.

I don’t know what the hell Victoria Beckham is wearing and I really don’t care. I just know she just ruined my whole entire case.

That thing is hideous. If just one women is going to put that on her head without a trace of irony, others might follow. And that’s not worth the risk.

The defense folds. Just leave hats to us, girls.

(For the record, I would wear this awesome hat without a trace of irony.)

-TJ

 

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